Things that have been annoying me lately…

First off, I will be the first to acknowledge that I have a low annoyance level. Here are a couple of things that have been annoying me lately.

Strangers who believe it is fine to comment on Anna’s adoption and telling me how I have helped save a child. First, I am not altruistic enough to want to have saved a child. I am guilty of being selfish and wanting to be a mother. I was fortunate enough to have chosen to be Anna’s mother. Another adoption family could have easily been selected for her.

That last thought ties into the other annoying statement –“she was destined to be your child.” Nope, Anna was not destined to be my child. She entered the orphanage due to her birth family’s decision that they could not raise her. She entered the orphanage because a farmer found her at the gates of the county health department and could not/would not ignore the small bundle that was Anna. Said farmer then took Anna to the police station and the police officers delivered her to the hospital, which in turn delivered her to the social welfare institution. She became available for international adoption because the director her social welfare institute chose to complete the necessary paper work and send it to the CCAA. All of these acts were the acts of human free will. Anna’s family could have decided to raise her, the farmer could have decided to ignore her, the police officers probably were doing their duty but could have chosen differently, and the director of the social welfare institution could have decided he didn’t have the time or staff to complete the necessary paperwork. So, Anna became eligible for international adoption because all of these people took an action – actions they chose to take.
I never want Anna to think that she was destined for international adoption, because this means that everything that happened to her was due to something she did. Which is to the total contrary, Anna did nothing to lead to the life she now has.

That being said – as we go forward – Anna will need to start making decisions as to how she wants to lead her life and what she wants to make of her life. I will be here to assist her and guide her, but she needs to know that she has free will to make her life – she is not destined.

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Another annoying concept in Chinese international adoption is the “Red Thread” concept that a red thread connects prospective adoptive parents with their future child. Bull – please see above. Additionally, the Chinese Red Thread mythology is based upon a red thread connecting two lovers. Enough said.

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I was talking to a co-worker (but not in my office) earlier this year about Anna starting Chinese school. His response was that he didn’t understand why I would want Anna to learn Chinese language and culture because she is American now and the other isn’t important. I cut the conversation off because I realized that he would never understand. He would never understand that Anna didn’t choose to be removed from her birth culture and country. She didn’t choose to be separated from that part of her story. In part, I am to blame (because I was selfish enough to want to be a mother); therefore, it is my responsibility to provide Anna with the chance to learn her birth culture, language and heritage.

Additionally, China is posed to become the next superpower, so it cannot hurt for her to know this information. It is not like it is going to kill her to be able to speak more than English. Actually, my goal is for us to be able to speak Chinese and Spanish in the house. The Spanish element give me an edge, since I already have learned it once.

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By the way – I will accept the comment “You are raising the child you deserve” since I was not always the easiest child to raise.