I want a mulligan...

Why doesn't life come with mulligans? I could really use one for last Friday. I thought I was doing the right thing, the responsible pet owner thing, but it all has bit me in the butt.

Friday was suppose to be a good day. I had the day off, Anna was going to daycare, Jake to the vet to get his teeth clean, and I was going to get stuff (laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc) done. So, we (Anna and I) drop Jake off at the vet. I drop Anna off at daycare and then head to WalMart for grocery shopping.

When I get home around 10ish, I see that I missed a call from the vet office, but there was no message. I called back - thinking that maybe they couldn't do the cleaning today or that I forgot to sign a paper. I am placed on hold and the vet gets on the phone. She says "There is no easy way to say this. Jake died." She went further into explanation that when he was sedated his heart began racing, which isn't good. So, he was given medication to slow down the racing and then his heart stopped. They don't know why this happened - his blood work and other pre-procedure lab work came back perfect. His heart wasn't enlarged (they tried to restarted his heart and had to open his chest) and his lung tissue was healthy.

Needless to say that conversation is a continuous loop running in my brain at night. That loop along with the "what if" questions are keeping me awake. What if I hadn't taken him in for a damn elective procedure - would he still be alive today? Also, was he frightened, did he miss me, did he want to just come home...

Anna asks for Jake about every hour. She also wants to talk to the vet about why Jake died. I have told her that his heart stopped working, but she wants more information.

If I had Friday to do all over - I would keep my family all home with me. No vet, no daycare, no shopping. But I don't get it to do over, I have to keep moving forward.